So you're a feminist?

I’ll be honest, I have no idea what feminism is. I thought it was about women gain rights and being free to make the decisions that best fit their life. But after watching the world the last few months I know that my definition isn’t right so now I’m trying to figure out what it is….
Is feminism about belittling a woman for choosing to leave the workforce? One of my pet peeves is when doing the “get to know you, what’s your name, what do you do” talk and a woman says “I’m just a stay at home mom”. Just? Where did we go wrong with feminism that a woman who chooses to stay home feels she is less than someone who made a different choice? Conversely, is feminism about criticising a woman for going to work and “letting someone else raise your kids”? Another pet peeve I hear often is that if a woman chooses to go back to work after children that she doesn’t love her kids as much. Or that something is broken in her as a mother because she doesn’t stay home. Isn’t feminism about allowing you to choose how you want to raise your kids and balance life/work/family? I would think that we should be supporting every woman in whatever decision she made for her family.
Is feminism making fun of another woman’s clothing? Because I’ve seen my “feminist” friends post memes of Hillary Clinton in the famous “potato sack by Armani” with negative comments. At a time in our country when schools are requiring young girls to wear bras and specific clothing so male students aren’t “distracted” I would think feminists would be united in the fact that what a woman chooses to wear is her own decision.
Is feminism saying you should vote for someone because she is a woman? I’ve seen pressure posts on Facebook with feminists saying even if you don’t agree with her policies you have to vote for Hillary if you are a woman. I thought feminism was supposed to give women the ability to think for themselves, form their own decisions, and vote.
Is feminism holding women accountable for how a male views an activity? Last week there was a lot of angst over Take Back The Night and a proposed Pole Fitness demonstration. I’m not going rehash it here, but please educate yourself because this battle is ongoing and extremely upsetting. Today I see a feminist blog (I assume it is a feminist blog as it is call “Feminist Current”) writing “whether you like it or not, pole dancing perpetuates sexism” and I have to say it was hard to read. From my understanding, this author’s view of feminism is if a man finds an activity sexy and you participate in that activity you are perpetuating sexism. This is as ludicrous as saying that if whip cream is used in a porn film and you use it on your pumpkin pie you are a porn star. This type of accusatory thinking victimizes women, it keeps a women’s place as second to a man’s needs. I thought feminism was supposed to encourage equality.
Instead of going off on the mis-informed author I will say this instead, feminism should be about supporting your sisters. No matter what decisions she makes, we should stand united that women are intelligent and are able to decide what is best for her. Judging her clothing, choices and activities does not in any way support her but instead says a lot about your need to feel superior. I choose acceptance, kindness, and support, that is my version of feminism. Wanna join me?