I agree with Paula’s take on New Year’s Resolutions, and the whole “new year, new me” business. The calendar year changed, but last I checked, none of us magically got a new body, or whatever else we may have expected. Nothing physically changed from 11:59pm to 12:01am… new year, same you! If that troubles you, then maybe you ought to focus on the same resolution I am:
This is no “New Year’s” resolution for me. Those usually fall by the wayside. THIS, THIS is a forever resolution. This is something I should have resolved to do a loooooong time ago. Problem was, I never realized how important it was until now. I looked in the mirror during a class at the studio, and caught myself in a series of internal critiques. There is no need for me to be vicious towards myself! I realized I am my own worst critic, when I should be my own best cheerleader!
I won’t be easy– it never is. For me, it’s a daily struggle. It’s fighting against the photo-shopped women in the press. Against my urge to judge myself against someone else, and base my opinion on any other standard but my own. It’s fighting against the urge to shamefully critique my body in the mirror. Every day, I need to remind myself that I’m not like everyone else, and that’s a good thing.
It’s also a fight for health, because that’s a part of loving myself. I need to get more sleep (she says as she writes this at 11:30pm), consistently. I need to STOP SNACKING SO MUCH. I am so guilty of the bored munchies it’s not even funny. Rather than stuff my body with junk, I need to “stuff” it with things that are healthy for me. I need to exercise more often, and smarter, so my body can burn off what it’s consumed, and be fast enough to run away from the zombies :). This means more Conditioning classes, more cross-training, and more movement overall! I’m 23, and already my doctor has cautioned me to work on my cholesterol. I do love food, but I like NOT suffering a heart attack at a young age a lot more!
I need to set standards for those I allow in my life and what I consider “healthy relationships.” This might sound utterly stuck-up, but hear me out. I have had three, yes three, consecutive relationships with abusive men. I had opportunities to leave and I did not take them, because I put the man’s needs before my own sanity and safety. I have been friends with people of whom I have chosen to follow in their negative choices. I have developed a negative attitude when I put myself around negative people. I know there are some cases I will have little to no control over. What I AM able to control, I need to control with my best interests in mind.
It’s a new year, but the same me. I’m going to work on loving this same ol’ me this year, and every year after. I’m going to work on being mindful of every decision, asking “Am I loving myself?” I so look forward to being in a place where I don’t constantly feel uncomfortable about myself or angry at myself. There will come a day when I can fully embrace the crazy, curvy woman I am, and I look forward to that time and the journey to it!