I hate that when my friend sent me this image I knew it was written by a woman. The problem with being on your own journey is that there are jerks that will trip you on your path. But how you handle it is another opportunity for growth.
This post is about real events and I have been given permission to share it from my friend who received the note. My friend is a teacher. She is a classy put together woman who always looks stylish and likes dresses; I honestly can’t remember seeing my friend in pants. She is on her own journey in health and wellness. She works with a health coach. She trains at Aerial Dance. And she is KILLING it. She has gotten so strong and is facing her fears and challenging the limitations she set for herself. She is doing awesome tricks. And her smile makes every class better. A few days before the mean note was left, she sent me a picture of herself in a bikini; thanking me for giving her the confidence to wear one after so many years. I didn’t do anything, she did all the work. She is embracing her journey. She is riding the bumps of it and taking ownership of it. And her journey has been beautiful to watch.
Then some jerk shows up out of nowhere and trips her on her path: this shows up on her desk at school.
The passive aggressive smiley face at the end really takes the cake. You are criticizing a fellow woman. You are inviting her to feel insecure by what you wrote. And you don’t have the balls (or respect) to put your name. COWARD. You are all “I didn’t want you to be embarrassed” so instead you decide to be an anonymous jerk and make someone else feel like crap because that is better than embarrassed?!?!?! So clearly, this woman is a unkind. And isn’t it sad that no where in my thoughts on this did I for a second think it could have been written by a man. Why do women do this to each other? This is NOT ok. We need to build eachother up, not tear eachother down.
I’m assuming jealousy plays a part. My friend has amazing legs. But that isn’t the point. Leaving this note is NEVER ok. If you need to comment on someone’s appearance, first, DON’T. Second, talk to them face to face. If you can’t say it to them, it probably isn’t worth saying. It’s like if someone has something in their teeth, you tell them and then it isn’t a big deal. But NOTHING about this is helpful. She was confident in her dress (which by the way, wasn’t short!) and you took that from her.
But here’s the great part. Months ago if something like this happened my friend would have internalized it. She would have questioned the length of her dress, herself, her body and everything about her journey and self. Now, she has learned that this is her journey and she has a right to wear what she wants and to be who she is. So though the mean note made her cry, she marched down to the principal’s office and gave him the note to bring to HR. Because this behavior is not ok. It is NOT ok to belittle someone or comment on their dress, especially in the workplace. I give major props to the principal for escalating this to HR and caring. For reassuring my friend that her dress was well with in dress code regulations and this type of behavior from another faculty member is unacceptable. Principal also assumed it was left by a woman. How sad that we all know a woman would leave something so mean.
I am most proud of my friend for standing up to this bully. We are all on this individual path of self growth and discovery. There are a lot of difficulties on it but how we handle them shows our growth. My friend killed this most recent hazzard by not sweeping it under the rug and instead escalating it to the proper people. She didn’t wear pants the next day to work. I’m so proud of her.
YOUR HOMEWORK: since this is about school, it’s only fitting we all learn from this and do some homework together. Your homework has two parts:
Write a comment on the FB page sharing this post telling my friend what YOU think for the note left and reaffirm that not all women are anonymous passive aggressive jerks! That women DO support each other and this woman was clearly lost on the sisterhood path.
Please leave an anonymous note for someone saying something GOOD about them this week. Let’s flood the world with positivity showing women how to support each other. Bonus points if the note has NOTHING to do with their physical appearance because we need a lot more focus on substance than surface in our positivity. 🙂
Now that’s a smiley face I can get behind.