CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE MN COMP GIRLS!
To my MN pole comp sisters, I have to say what an honor it was to be represented by such an phenomenal group of women! WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU! Competing is not easy, but you ladies made it look like a breeze! It was wonderful to see all the posts and videos on FB and IG. You truly are an inspiration to all of the students at Aerial Dance. I hope at the end of each of your routines you celebrated how much you have grown! We are so excited to see where your aerial journey takes you next!
Girl Wash Your Face
My Happiness is Someone Else’s Responsibility
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!
Girl Wash Your Face was the book for the Aerial Dance Book Club this month. As I read through this book a few of the “lies” Rachel Hollis talks about stuck out to me that I didn’t even realize I was telling myself.
In the first chapter, Rachel Hollis shares the lie that “something else will make me happy” This was a lie that I believed for a very long time. This lie actually caused me to stay in two long term unhealthy relationships the first starting when I was 18 and the next starting when I was just 21. I thought a relationship was what I needed to be happy. Right?!?! Isn’t that what society tells us? The life that people are suppose to lead requires a significant other, a house, and so on. “The American Dream” I am not discrediting those dreams, but many believe those dreams need to happen at a young age and you need to have life all figured out. Does anyone really have life figured out? I am so thankful that my journey did not bring me to marry either of those people as I would not be where I am now. Now is much much better!
On January 26, I will be 28. As I reflect on my later teen years and early 20’s, I can see how this lie of “something else will make me happy” caused me so much pain. When my very toxic relationship ended when I was 25, I had already figured out that I could not let someone else determine my happiness. Break ups suck, bad relationships hurt, but they leave room for personal growth. In my time at Aerial Dance, I have seen this lie of “something else will make me happy” be shattered into a million little pieces. I know that the key to my own happiness relies solely on me. Creating your happiness is not an easy task. It is not something that happens over night. Some days I feel that I slide 20 steps backwards and others I leap forward. Happiness is a constant process, once you have it, you work to keep it. You work to keep it by continuing to find what makes YOU happy.
I’m Not Good Enough
This is a lie that I struggle with on a weekly or even a daily basis. We are all our own worst critic. Failing on more than one plane at a time. If I would have written this chapter of Rachel’s book I would have titled it “I Am Not Worthy”. That’s how I feel quite often. When it all boils down to it, our self worth is what creates our happiness.
The feeling of not being good enough comes from various places in my life. The belief that I should be further along in my life (that is a whole other chapter in her book, but we won’t get into that), the embarrassment of student debt, becoming a step mom to an amazing child who’s mother cuts me down, being envious of others flexibility and aerial skills, and the list goes on and on. Rachel Hollis would also scream her head off at me for comparing myself to others. I can’t help it, I’m only human.
Like I said before, I am a work in progress. Someone once said, “That self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do.” I try to remember those words often. Who am I? I am a women who decided that loving myself wasn’t easy, but I was going to do it anyway. I am strong, courageous, brave, loving, and I am enough for me!
It might be that my birthday is approaching while reading this book, but it made me dig deep inside. Here at 27 and on the verge of 28, I am not afraid. I am not afraid of aging. Do I really want wrinkles and the physical signs of aging? Heck no! I do however look forward to continuing to learn about myself. I want to continue to grow my feeling of being enough. As each year passes it brings it’s own challenges, the only way to overcome those challenges is to grow along the way. . You’ll be amazed at what you are capable of if only you try!
I Need to Make Myself Smaller
The society that we live in is still very much a patriarchal society. Women are not meant to be strong powerful leaders. We are meant to assist the men in our society. To this I say horse sh**! Each and everyday intelligent women have to down play or brush aside their amazing successes as it is not accepted or makes men look small.
“I need to make myself smaller” enters my life daily, because not only am I successful educated woman. I am a young successful educated woman. Not to mention that I am an active, healthy, beautiful on the inside and out woman too. My choices to take classes at Aerial Dance have had an effect on how I present myself at work, because some small minded people do not approve of my exercise choices. This shouldn’t matter especially since it is now 2019! Let’s move with the times people!
I will be honest, I have never been one to talk highly of myself. I believe that the sense of making myself feel small has come from so many years of not feeling like I was enough and also worrying about what others thought. I am recently engage and am over the moon happy, but I am afraid to share my happiness. I was so afraid, that I actually found myself making my engagement to the man I love smaller…….. Like it was no big deal……. That was the moment I knew that this was the lie that I needed to work on the most in my life currently. As I reflected, I found that I made many accomplishments in my life out to “no big deal” when in reality it was a BIG DEAL!
I have only shared a few of the lies Rachel Hollis believes many women tell themselves. If you haven’t read Girl Wash Your Face, I would recommend it. It was a quick easy read and it made me think about many aspects of my life.
Until Next Time,