My previous post was externalizing my inner negativity from the depths of my own couch. Call it a case of the Mondays, as I decided to hush that nagging and nasty inner voice and take a step—any step—towards something that would make me feel like I am working towards a dance goal again. 

My first step was action. I had to remind myself that I have no reason to beat myself up for not following a certain workout schedule. There are no rules to this quarantine, and I think I had originally put too much pressure on myself to use this time at home to get in my “best” shape. Well, I shouldn’t have been surprised that this would be a challenge for me; I’ve never been one for home workouts, which is why getting strong at Aerial Dance has been a wonderful way for me to feel successful working out in the last five years. I realized how silly it was for me to expect myself to love working out in isolation. So, allow me to take a brief moment to celebrate that realization. Hopefully the rest of my time at home will be much more patient and forgiving with how I choose to stay active.

This small step of action made me realize something else super important to my mental health and overall outlook on life. There are no due dates or deadlines when it comes to my pole/aerial journey, or any other life goal for that matter. I was sitting at home upset that I was going to lose all the grip and upper body strength and stability that I had painfully and slowly but surely worked on over these years. Yes, it’s likely that I’ll have to go back to basics and rebuild my calluses, etc. However, I don’t have to be at a certain point by a certain time. No one said, “Amanda, you must achieve this trick/skill by this date or else you suck at life”.  My inner voice wants to tell me that and tell me I’m getting too old. But alas, inner voice, we know so many aerialists who excel at all decades in life, so that is not reason enough to wallow in self-pity. Even if it takes me years (which I’d like to think it won’t) to get used to hanging upside down again, I need to remember that I have no need to set imaginary deadlines.

And with these realizations, my outlook is looking up and my inner meanie is hopefully dying down.