My Choice…. Or So We Wish
I struggled whether to write this blog or not, but I just can’t keep it in any longer. I am tired of being told by others how I can celebrate and appreciate my body.
Recently, I was selected by a local photographer to be boudoir model for her company. I was beyond excited because taking boudoir photos was something I have always wanted to do, but wasn’t confident enough to do so. Thanks to Aerial Dance, I have built a lot of confidence and self love and now I feel ready. With being selected as model there were several stipulations. I had to sign a release giving the photographer permission to use my photos as she pleased to advertise her business in exchange there were some fees waived and discounts offered. For many, this release would not matter, but for me it causes many problems. I am a teacher, meaning that if parents or my coworkers saw those risque photos I may lose my job.
Last year around the Christmas Show, I had a parent complain about “inappropriate” pictures on my social media. That picture was of me doing a chin up in pole shorts and a sports bra…..My social media is locked down too, so these people had to go to extra lengths to see my pictures.
Could you imagine what would be said or done if someone saw a boudoir picture of me? The fear of losing my job prevented me from taking advantage of the wonderful opportunity to fulfill a dream of mine. I am embarrassed and ashamed, but I cannot risk losing how I make a living. I am so tired of others telling me what is an “appropriate” way for me to express myself.
I AM BEAUTIFUL
We live in a society that views sexuality/sensuality as a negative thing. Show a little too much skin you are a whore. Pole dance and you are automatically a stripper. There are so many double standards, biases, it is no wonder that many, including men, struggle with self worth/self love. I am tired of other’s side eye glances when they find out that I am a pole dancer. I am tired that many believe that it is okay to stay small minded and not educate themselves to step out of the teeny tiny box they live in.
Why does the way I choose to express myself determine my intelligence? I choose to love my body, appreciate the beauty of it, and celebrate it. Being “sexy” does not and will not affect my ability to be an amazing educator. I can and should be able to embrace my sensuality as woman and share it how I see fit. Not how others determine it should be.
Someday I will be brave enough to have those photos taken and share them regardless of what others think. My mind is beautiful. My body is beautiful.
I AM BEAUTIFUL!
Until next time,
Janelle