Do you ever wake up in the morning and have a hard time looking at yourself in the mirror? That has been my feelings for the past couple of weeks. Most days my head feels like it’s spinning out of control. I have been stretched too thin with being a stepmom, fiance, school year ending, packing up my classroom, buying a house, moving, getting a new pet, teaching summer school and starting a second job. With all of this, I have begun to realize that I am not Wonder Woman after all.
With all that is happening in my life right, I have found that my studio sessions have been far and few between. Not my favorite part about life at the moment. By having limited time at the studio, I can already tell that my stamina is starting to slip and my strength is starting to slide. I see all of my aerial sisters working hard in videos on social media! You all look so amazing! Seeing all of your progress is so very inspiring, but brings out a guilt in me. A guilt and shame for not being a loyal 5 days a week member anymore. Silly I know, but I can help but feel that I am failing my studio as wells as myself during this crazy part of life.
A friend of mine shared a blog post for Push + Pole about finding balance between life and studio time. For me it really hit home with all that I have going. The struggle has been REAL! I have been beating myself up for weeks now, because I can not find a way to do it all. I am sure, I am not the only one with these feelings. So many women at the studio have struggles of their own that they are trying to overcome. I just want to let you know that you are not alone!
Finding My Balance
So what am I going to do about finding my balance? To be honest……. I am not sure. I am still in the works of fully finding that “balance”. Elizabeth Blanchard once said in a hand balancing workshop, ” You should not find balance, but create balance.” I know that she was speaking of handstands, but how true is that statement about life!?!?!
We are always trying to find time for things. Instead we need to create time for things that are important to us. I know that this is not a new concept, but it is one that I continue to struggle with.
I am working prioritizing what is important to my little family and not lose sight of myself along the way. As I work through this stressful period, I need to know that it is okay to say “No” to somethings. That it is okay to attend only two or even one aerial/pole classes a week if that is all the time I can create. Most of all I need to give myself a break! I need to stop comparing my progress to the progress of others. It is not healthy nor helping me become a better aerialist.
I still have big dreams and goals for my aerial career. One day, whether that be a few weeks, months, or maybe even a year, I will continue to work on them. I am going to continue to show up and work hard. It may take me longer to reach those goals, but every little step counts.
I refuse to push myself aside and give up my goals. I am strong and I will make it through these stressful times! There may not be a magic solution in my writing about creating balance, but we are all a work in progress!
Until Next Time,
Janelle