This is not my first year participating in the show and I fully plan for it not to be my last. And preparing for this show has been hard, like really hard. Life has not been easy, self compassion has been lacking, and well my positive self image has not been very positive. To be frank, in the last 6 months of my life, I have gone through a lot. More accurately, I have made it through a lot.
The logical part of my brain recognizes that my body has been through a trauma and thus it will not be as strong as it was. It recognizes that I will not look the same on stage as I did three years and multiple pregnancies ago. The logical part recognizes that stress and lack of sleep will contribute to my body’s ability to perform.
And yet, the logical part of my brain is not the loudest part. It surely is not the part of my brain I hear most frequently. It’s not the part of my brain that provides intrusive thoughts. Nope, the loud part of my brain is the part that says, I do not belong on stage. It’s the part of my brain that says I am not strong enough, that says I am not in the correct physical share, the part that says I am not what I want to be on stage.
Through a lot of work, support, and conversations, I have come to accept and embrace the idea that the show is a demonstration of who I am today. It is not a snapshot of who I was a year ago. It is not a demonstration of who I will be in a year. It is a snapshot of what I have to share right now.
More importantly, it is a demonstration of both mental and physical strength, it is a demonstration of confidence, it is a demonstration of empowerment.
Being on the stage for a show is more than putting on a performance. It is about sharing that snapshot. It is about embracing the journey. It is about celebrating women. Women who are walking, running, galloping, possibly muddling through life. It is celebrating and embracing women who are getting on stage to celebrate themselves. To have fun. To break the mold.
The show is not the totality of my abilities. It is not a complete representation of the aerialist I am. It is, however, a snapshot of where my journey is today. It is a snapshot of the effort and dedication I put into walking on that stage and performing. It is a snapshot I am going to hold onto and find is an invaluable experience for years to come.