From Dark to Light

Have you ever had a class where nothing goes right? Moves you’ve been able to do for months fail you as you slide to the floor like a limp noodle… Confidence shattered, frustration rising, self-confidence shaken.
I had this exact pole class Wednesday night. I left that class so discouraged. Trying to make my long drive worth it, I had signed up for two more classes, Aerial Conditioning and Bendy Babe. Neither class needed skill or, really, basic ability, just strength and endurance and then the willingness to roll a ball and stretch. Unfortunately, everyone had canceled out of my Aerial Conditioning class except me so I got transferred into a Beginner Hammock class. “F No!!!” Don’t get me wrong, I love the look and idea of Hammock but since coming back after having my baby, I’ve been focusing on rebuilding Pole strength, not desensitizing and building Hammock strength. “I needed a success tonight, not another disappointment.”
Finding an open hammock in the back room I sat in the fabric. “Oh my cheeks!” I’m so not desensitized in the right places. I sat there as long as I bear it. “Maybe I can make this into a conditioning class.” I wrapped my hands and started stirring the pot. Chrissy walked in and started showing us the sequence we were going to work on. “Oh, brother.” At this point I’m debating a name change to Eeyore Farley. “Tonight is not my night.” It had been a Really Rough week – family stuff, work stuff, baby stuff, marriage stuff, yard stuff, house stuff. And now, my sanctuary, my Happy Place, is going wrong too. “I just can’t catch a break!”
After about 20 minutes of just struggling, I mean completely failing, Chrissy came over and asked how it was going. I just said, “I think I’m going to just spend the class desensitizing. I’ll just stand and sit here for awhile. I only know 4 moves, stand, sit, Budda and Bat Cave.” “Hey, Budda is good! Show me that!” So I flipped myself upside down. “Ok, now, from here, try putting your feet through the middle and then grab right up here,” she said pointing just above my knees. Struggle, wiggle, reach, grab. “Awesome! Now just pull yourself up and you’ll learn Upright Straddle!” “Ha! I’m flattered Chrissy but I can’t lift myself up that high! I’m not strong enough yet!” “Sure you are! I’ll help if you need it!” Gripping, pulling, lifting, struggling. Suddenly Chrissy’s hands are on my back and I’m lifted up into the air!
I’d love to tell you that it didn’t hurt, that I felt amazing, that I was so strong, that I held it long enough for a picture – but I’d be lying. But none of that really matters. All of those things will come with practice. What really mattered in those 10 seconds was faith. Faith in myself, faith in my instructor and the faith to never give up! In that moment, I had to make a choice. I had to choose to believe in my instructor, what she saw in me, and believe in myself, or to believe I sucked at life, nothing was going well, and this would be a failure too. The more experiences I have in life, the more I realize that change doesn’t happen in some monumental life altering moment. Change is a quiet, subtle series of moments in which you make choices that alter your mindset. After changing your mindset from dark and dreary to light and hopeful, a whole new world of options becomes visible.