Incongruence, a state I rather dislike being in, even though I am all the time.  According to Kasia Urbaniak (the author of the former book club book, Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power, that you all should read and then reread a few more times) incongruence is “the disconnect between behavior and the state of attention.”  Also defined as the lack of harmony or agreement between different elements.  So, on a surface level it could be someone saying they are happy while frowning and using monotone.  Sarcasm is a type of incongruent humor- no wonder I do not understand or like it, the incongruence is found between the literal meaning of the words and the intended humorous meaning. Incongruence is when we say we are “fine” but inside, our bodies, our nervous systems are screaming and ready to fight.

I know I live in a world filled with incongruence.  Or at least, at times, I fill it with incongruence. “I’m fine” is a statement my husband and I have had numerous conversations about. It is a place filled with emotional and mental challenge and often creates confusion, frustration, and a sense of unbalance. To me, it’s a place of not being able, for whatever reason, to voice my truth, say how I’m really feeling, what my real emotions are.  I will admit, after listening to Kasia’s book I have a much greater tolerance and appreciation for my husband calling out the incongruence.  I do wish he would have done it a little more tactfully and that I had the knowledge I do now, but now that we know better we can do better.

Aside from incongruence being a great topic to write about by itself, an important realization I have had during recent self reflection is that I don’t feel incongruent at the studio.  I don’t feel incongruent on the pole. I don’t feel incongruent in the hoop.  I don’t feel incongruent in the fabrics.  I don’t feel incongruent when I’m talking to others inside of the studio. The studio has some sort of apotropaic barrier up against incongruence and that my friends is a magical experience.  

Now, I’m not saying every day at the studio is easy for me.  Nor am I saying that I do not get frustrated when I cannot hit a move or have no grip, but, my insides and my outsides are harmonious.  Me and my body, we are together when we are in the studio.  We are together when we are flying through the air.  We are together when we are doing some fun pole pump burpee conditioning. I’m in a state of congruence. 

I encourage you to look at times you feel incongruent and times when you feel congruent; it has been a quite insightful journey.  And read or listen or some how consume this book, a few times, and talk about it. With your pole sisters, and your friends, and whoever else will listen.  There is value in the book.