I think I became self-conscious about my body as early as fourth grade. At the time, I had what people called “baby fat,” but I didn’t think of it in such neutral terms. I just remember feeling like my body wasn’t comfortable. As I moved into middle school and high school, those insecurities grew louder. I was already petite. However, I felt like I needed to sustain a “skinny” body. I guess it didn’t help that I grew up during the time of Tumblr and the start up of Instagram. Ah yes, the “thigh gap” era. Home workouts became a regular thing because I felt like I had to do them. Mind you, I also did sports and frequently jogged. I followed social media recommendations of “healthy” diets. I also picked up a habit of covering my stomach in photos. I was always adjusting and hiding. Looking back, it’s heartbreaking to think of how young I was, already feeling like my body wasn’t ideal. But what even is ideal? The “standard” is constantly changing. Today, I’m grateful for my body. She’s so strong and does so much for me.

Healing

Healing is definitely a process, but one thing that radically shifted my relationship with my body was something I never expected: pole dancing. What started as just a class turned into something more meaningful. Pole dancing gave me a space where I wasn’t just thinking about how my body looked. I was focused on what it could do. I started noticing the strength that my body was building and the control I had in movements I never imagined myself doing. I became more curious than critical. Feeling strong and grounded overlooked being “thin” or “perfect.” That’s when I started to feel confident. Pole became my expression, my happy place, and my way of processing emotions I couldn’t always put into words. It helped me appreciate the parts of my body I used to hide or ignore. Even the little things (like my “monkey toes” from heel warm-ups) became reminders of how adaptable and capable my body is.

Loving My Body

These days, confidence is about feeling strong and sexy in a way that’s defined by me, for me.
Of course, there are still days when body image is tough. But I try to remind myself that our bodies are meant to change—especially as women. We fluctuate with our cycles, with stress, with life. That’s normal. That’s human. So yeah, sometimes I make those “upside-down pole face” expressions that aren’t the most flattering, but they’re also kind of amazing. Because they mean I’m hanging upside-down on a pole. They mean I’m doing something powerful.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever struggled with how you see your body, I want you to know you’re not alone. Body dysmorphia isn’t always loud or obvious, it can live in the quiet moments when you’ve changed your outfit for the third time or felt the need to crop a photo. But it’s real, and it’s valid. And healing is possible. For me, it came through movement, through strength, through seeing my body as a source of power rather than just appearance. I’m still on the journey, but I’ve come a long way and I’m proud of that. Your body is more than something to be judged. It’s something to be lived in, moved in, expressed through, and loved. It deserves kindness, even on the hard days.

I recently watched Death Becomes Her and I love the quote:
“Take care of yourself. You and your body are going to be together for a long time. Be good to it.”
Hopefully, it resonates with you too.